Tips For Starting Over In Midlife

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Here’s the thing with starting over in life.  It’s a beginning, and as we get older beginnings aren’t as fun. That is unless we choose to change our relationship with discomfort. Oh and giggle.

I’m feeling the feels y’all. Anyone else had a heavy week? Please share. I’d like to know if it’s an energetic, planetary thing or just me. It could also be that we’re a year into this pandemic thing. :/

Since we last spoke, I’ve shot and started editing the first video for the Stephanie Danger YouTube channel. Woot woot! Please subscribe if you feel so moved. Link to first video coming soon.

The key word in that sentence is FIRST.

What has come with this first video is a lot of unknowns and discomfort.

I lost count of the number of times I asked how do I do this?

My brain is being stretched, hard.

REAL TALK…

Forcing myself outside my comfort zone gets harder with age.

Have you noticed this?

I started feeling it in my late 30s. It’s not just me. This Scientific American article backs me up. “After a person’s early 20s, the fascination with novelty declines, and resistance to change increases.”

I’m sure part of this is societal conditioning around aging.

But I know my resistance is about a need to control. The older I get the more I want a sense of security and familiarity.

Oh hello pandemic to blow that idea out of the water.

I have observed in myself and others that getting set in your ways is NOT CUTE. It’s rigid, grumpy and a bit suffocating.

Also, I still got dreams to realize, like Stephanie Danger, and they do not prosper in the comfort zone.

Nope, those dreams and goals are hanging, over yonger, in the magic land of the unknown. Since I’m not ready to give up on my dreams, it’s off to dance with discomfort I go.

MORE REAL TALK…

I may have, on several occasions, freaked out and thought I can’t do this. It’s too much work.

You’re in your 50s WHY ARE YOU STARTING A YOUTUBE CHANNEL!?!?!

I’m at that stage with Stephanie Danger where I know what she feels like. But I’m still discovering what that feeling looks like in the physical world.

Thank you for your patience. I’m so glad you’re here for the ride, btw.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

I’m realizing this uncomfortable process comes with all beginnings. Especially ones that start in mid life when the resistance to change is higher.

I’m writing this to remind myself but you too, in case you’re also in the beginning stage of something.

Discomfort is normal and a great sign you’re headed in a direction filled with possibility.

Discomfort is something to welcome. To normalize.

Important note: NOT WHEN SOMEONE IS FCKNG WITH YOU!

We’ve normalized so many things. Including systemic racism, profit over people, overvaluing youth and undervaluing age + wisdom.

Shoot, might as well normalize something that will bring us closer to our dreams and desires.

Also, important to note. An uncomfortable beginning may be a result of an unexpected or unwanted  ending. But the same rules apply.

Maybe you’ve been avoiding discomfort, but interested in bringing more of it into your life. I recommend starting small.

Drive a different way to the grocery store.
Eat a food you’ve never eaten before.
Or stay subscribed. I plan to normalize discomfort in some newsletters and videos.

Notice what sensations show up in your body. What thoughts pop up. Lean into them. It’s fascinating and humbling behavior to observe

FIGHT LOVE PLAY

We’re at a time in the world where it’s very important to resist the temptation to look away from difficult things.

When I was thinking of simple words to describe the vibe of Steph D I came up with fight-love-play.

I got a lot of resistance from people around the word fight. I almost changed it. It’s not a “comfortable” word.

But then I decided that was why I needed to keep it. It would have dishonored Stephanie Danger to get rid of it. Made her less than whole.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

That fight word is tied to a lot of negative patriarchy stuff. The future will use it with a feminist bent. It looks different when you include love + play. Plus, we are fighting for equality not power.

Here’s my dream for Stephanie Danger.
Gather as many middle aged women as I can who are committed to leaning into discomfort. Then, use our collective power. Take small but significant actions to serve the greater good.

I cling to this quote by Margaret Mead as inspiration…

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.

If we are going to change the world to one that serves all of humanity and nature, we are in for some crazy uncomfortable times.

Fighting is hard work. Which is why we need the collective for support and nurturance.

TEXT MESSAGE FROM THE UNIVERSE

I always ask the Universe for guidance and help when I am struggling.

This time she sent me a 4 part documentary called 10 Years with Hayao Miyazaki (free to view online). It follows the legendary Japanese director as he makes two films.

I watched this very accomplished artist, mesmerized. He struggles for weeks with the beginning stages of his new film.

There are so many gems to enjoy from this documentary. The one that inspired me was when he started giggling at the stress of it all.

He paces and chuckles as he says “I’m back in this again. The filmmaking has begun.”

His glasses come off. He scratches his head, rubs his face. He has tried to start the movie three times and thrown out each idea.

The narrator says, “There is so much uncertainty in the process.”

I realize the giggling has come with age and experience. The doubt and anxiety always show up, but the giggling suggests he knows he will eventually get past it.

That’s the thing with discomfort. It must honor the one guarantee of life. That things will always change.

So as we embrace beginnings, lean into discomfort and accept our call to fight, let’s also remember to giggle like Mr. Miyazaki.

I’m off to chuckle my way through this first video. See you soon.

Big Love,
xoKai

FOR GEN X WOMEN ON A MID-LIFE ADVENTURE

Stephanie Danger celebrates staying curious, having fun, living honestly, being rebellious and trusting in the magic of the Universe as you evolve through mid-life and beyond. Sent with good vibes every other week, 'cause you've got things to do.